from Report from the Ross Society, Vol. 1, No. 1
Let me be ambiguous about something.
When it comes to cats on screen doors,
if I understand your analogy, Bill,
you’re obviously fishing—these are subjects
over which the minister has no purview.
I can say from personal experience
a cat climbing a screen door is merely
a predator without prey—the swallow
outside, well, let it fly, the cat has no hope.
On the question of Stuart Ross, I believe
I have been nothing if not ambiguous
but let me take this moment to point out
that the minister finds your insinuations
impertinent, libelous, malicious, false.
The minister could not have been more
ambiguous. This is not a yes-or-no
question of cultural policy. If you ask me,
and you did because you are standing right there
asking, it could be a question, I don’t know,
maybe a question of the words we used.
Please let me answer with as little clarity
as I possibly can. Our ministry has
established a policy that will lead
to the terms of reference for the study
of the landscape of that question—the hills
and valleys of the social topography
for a sensitive question of that nature.
Once that study is complete, the minister
will have established the framework to
delicately obfuscate the entire subject.
It may be true. The minister made certain
nuanced assumptions concerning the policy
and it may be that slightly more than none
of those assumptions were not precisely
rooted in evidence that might satisfy you—
but those we consulted were entirely satisfied.
To revisit the analogy you put forward,
Bill, if you were to carefully study a cat
on a screen door, its fish-fed fur caressed
by August breezes intimating storms,
you might phrase your question differently.
Look, the cat on the screen door is a symbol
of exactly nothing and I find your tone
irresponsible; it could have consequences.
To be perfectly ambiguous, a cat
has claws. It wants a surface on which to prowl.
It desires the bark of a tree to sharpen
its claws; lacking a tree in domestic space,
tattered rugs, shag carpet, an Ikea
table leg will simply have to suffice.
Bill, have you ever really looked, I mean
carefully examined with an open
and meditative eye, the alabaster
crescent sword of a cat’s claw?
I impute no cultural, metaphorical
or other meaning to the source of the table
or the specific shape of the claw referenced
in response to the question asked.
I will take one more question. Sandra.
If you’ll bear with me here, let me explain
the policy of the ministry by an analogy.
There are two types of people in this world, Sandra,
those who want to take a cup of coffee
from a warm hand, and those who want the coffee
served on the table—this is true on a plane,
in a restaurant, in the morning at the office.
That’s the way people are, Sandra.
It’s a matter of public safety and you know it.
