in
april-july 2020, my friends and i whispered about how things feel. our whispers
are here. our transcriptions are here. these are the
transcriptions of my own whispers (and ridiculous noodle-singing). the idea was
to see how improvisational descriptions of nowbodies might teeter. how they
might wobble if we used “you” and asked someone else to catch them. in the end,
as with most things, CATCH became a love story. audio
rom com, i emailed the protagonists. ghosts
at a party.
note:
every episode begins with the sound of a basketball bouncing and emilie
calling, “catch.”
EPISODE
4: BRAIN FOG
this is how brain fog feels. everything
is / the afternoon. dense pastel. rough brightness. the air condenses / into
sand at the bottom of your forehead. the sand gets wet. your eyes / collapse.
things try to run up / the sand, but everything // everything down
EPISODE
6: UNSURE
this is how it feels to feel unsure.
your eyes are shivering. your mouth is shivering. your hands keep making more
knots
EPISODE
9: YOUR MOM AND YOUR BROTHER
this is how it feels to listen to your
mom and your little brother talking on the phone. you’re lying on your bedroom
floor. your fingers are in the carpet. you spent a lot of time outside today,
so your arms are heavy, and your face is warm. there are two voices talking and
laughing, but not with you, and not with each other. they’re talking to other
people who are somewhere else, who are maybe also being listened to. by someone
who spent a lot of time outside today. whose arms are warm, whose face is
heavy.
the dishwasher just started. so maybe
now we are underwater.
there’s a shadow on the ceiling.
there’s a shadow on the wall. maybe you have a shadow. maybe your shadow is
sleeping.
put your feet on the floor.
can you feel how she listens with her
mouth?
EPISODE
12: GRIEVE A MOVIE
this is how it feels for a movie to let
your grieve. your eyes are still clenching / onto someone else’s sadness. you
curl up / into your own sadness. your own knees and thighs. you stroke / your
own head. it’s hard / underneath your hair. it’s soft / underneath your chest.
soft / like new things can be.
EPISODE 16: A BATH
(singing) leedly dum and a leedly dum, this is how it
feels to take a bath. beetly bum and a teetly tum, this is how it feels to take
a bath. you sit with your tum and you sit with your bum, and you give ‘em a
little scrubby dubby doo. sometimes you put a little soap on your bum! and on
your head a little shampoodlydoo!
EPISODE
23: HOW IT FEELS TO BE WITH YOU
in this episode, all of the recordings
(except for the singing bath episode, because it is very loud and ridiculous)
play at once, giving the ambient feeling of being in a group of people. it’s
sometimes sweet, sometimes claustrophobic. at the end, after so much pulling,
intertwining, wandering throughout the season, vi-an and trynne’s voices find
each other again. every other sound stops abruptly, and episode 15 vi-an,
cycling v-ian, says, “and then the edge and then the sky” — as episode 3 vi-an
wakes up with trynne and says, “it still feels so special.” vi-an goes on, “and
the sun is still rising and it’s beautiful—” as episode 7 trynne, trynne in
pain says, “that’s okay.” vi-an: “and it’s sunny and it feels like you’re
really starting your day.” she pauses. trynne: “it teaches you to move more
slowly.” vi-an: “and you get to work, and you’re ready to start your day.”
em/ilie kneifel
is a poet/critic, editor at The Puritan/Theta Wave, creator of CATCH/PLAYD8s,
and also a list. find 'em at emiliekneifel.com, @emiliekneifel, and in
Tiohtiá:ke, hopping and hoping.